166 For the Love of Porn and Zawahiri
Cairo Cab Annals
I’m weary of being preached at. I spent last evening speaking with “an admirer” (not a member, mind you) of the Muslim Brotherhood. He was, as all the Brothers I’ve met have been, very nice, highly educated, very intelligent, and very politically savvy. I was slowly working the conversation round to the substantive matters, exchanging pleasantries, thanking him profusely for his time, when he refreshingly asked me to cut the bullshit—though not in those words, of course.
The wearying bit came at the end of the conversation, when he spent an hour expounding on the universal perfection of the Islamic system. Broadly speaking, I don’t disagree. We diverge on the details. I think a lot of what’s sunna is silly (does God care if you shave your chest and your pubes? I suspect not, but what do I know? Maybe the joke’s on me). I do, however, think the world would be a better place if everyone behaved as good Muslims are supposed to behave—regardless of what religion, if any, they profess to follow. Early to bed, early to rise, sober, scholarly, humble, hard-working, kind to all, faithful in love: what’s not to like? But this made it all the more tiresome. There’s nothing worse than having someone try to convince you of something you already believe. And all this talk was reminding me that the Brothers are, duh, enthusiastic first about Islam, and second about free speech, democracy, and the rest. Still, I left the meeting feeling good about the encounter, though a little uncomfortable from the glares from the State Security guy sitting out front. I’ve been seeing this guy around lots lately. I wonder if he finds my life as boring as I sometimes do.
I found a cab around the corner. “God will forgive anything you do if you pray five times a day,” the driver told me. Several times. I was surprised. He didn’t look like a particularly religious man. He looked, in fact, like he was banking on this forgiveness for all manner of daily behavior.
I tried to change the topic to the neighborhood where he lives. Ain Shams. “Not far from where Zawahiri is from,” he said proudly. Did I know Zawahiri?
“Yes, Ayman. Doctor Ayman,” I said, laughing. “I don’t know him personally, but I’ve seen him on TV.”
“Yes, he was a doctor, a very big doctor, a most excellent doctor!”
My mobile phone rang. It was a friend of mine, a female journalist, wanting to know why I was late. The driver expressed admiration for the phone and wanted to know how much it cost and whether it had a camera and everything. It does. I was concerned that all this talk about my fancy new mobile was working around to some outrageous price for the cab ride, so I tried to change the topic to his mobile. He showed it to me.
“What a great phone! But, ahh, too bad, no camera,” I said.
“Naw, it’s alright, people just use those cellphone cameras to take dirty pictures of women and post them on the Internet.”
“Do they?”
“Yes! Too many people are doing this today. Do you like to watch pornos?”
“Do I like to watch pornos?”
“Yes, have you ever seen a porno movie? Do you like them?”
“Uh, yes, I’ve seen them a few times, but I don’t like them very much. I prefer the real thing.”
“Yes, of course, the natural thing. Do you make porno movies?”
“Do I make porno movies?”
“Yes, do you make movies of sex?”
“No.”
“Good. Because if you did I would be very angry with you. So many people are making porno movies now. It’s forbidden in Islam. But not in Christianity or Judaism or any other religion. They’re all making tons of porno movies.”
“I’m pretty sure making pornos is forbidden in Christianity and Judaism. How do you know this?”
“Too many people are watching pornos now. They’re all over the Internet.”
“No!”
“Yes, by God. So many people are watching them on the Internet.”
“Unbelievable! Um, this is where I get out. A thousand thanks. A thousand blessings of peace upon you. I’m very grateful. Bye.”
“Are you going to meet your girlfriend?”
“No, a female colleague from work.”
“Not a girlfriend?” He seemed disappointed. The evening call to prayer was sounding. “Go pray instead of meeting this girlfriend of yours.”
“Are you going to pray now? There’s a mosque right there.”
“Yes, I’m just going to drive up the road a bit, and pray over there.”
[tags]Egypt, porn, Islam[/tags]
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5 years ago, I was in egypt, and I might’ve slipped into that same taxi, because this is like a deja vu for me…
my girlfriend is egyptian, she always tells me that most egyptians are “socially religious” ya3ni not deeply religious, it didnt make sense, it still doesnt.. but maybe this helps me to understand that place a bit more..
Comment by Yazan — June 25, 2006 #
very well written, struggling not to give my anti-secular preach though.
Comment by Karim — June 25, 2006 #
bullshit, they’re keen on freedom of speech and democracy. if they had their way, they would instill all kinds of repression and suspend all kinds of freedoms.
taxi drivers are truly a window into all that is interesting and troubling.
Comment by forsoothsayer — June 25, 2006 #
The story of your cab encounter totally cracks me up, all the more so because it’s so damn believable. More than the Zawahiri-porn tradeoff, I’m interested in why he only brought up the praying issue after you informed him you were going to see a colleague rather than a girlfriend – god is greater than colleagues, but not girlfriends? Or was it just that the call to prayer reminded him that he should be giving you shit for not praying?
Comment by SP — June 25, 2006 #
wow!
Comment by nart — June 26, 2006 #
Hey SP – Sorry for the late reply. I’m in Beirut, away from the Internet most of the day. The taxi driver started with the praying business before we got on to anything else. I brought it up again when the call to prayer sounded to give him a little nudge because I suspected he didn’t pray—he just liked to tell other people to.
Karim – Give me the anti-secular rant!
Yazan – a7lan! I suspect your girlfriend is right. Even friends who drink think it’s very important for their kids to learn Quran. Is it so different in Syria?
Comment by Administrator — June 27, 2006 #
Well, yeah, basically in Syria [ofcourse regardless fom the sectarian differences between Alawites and Sunnis]
When someone is religious, ya3ni he’s religious.. he prays, no drinks… ofcourse there are levels, bas..
when someone is NOT religious. it means khalas he’s not ya3ni…
and especially with the older generation. the youngsters seem to mix everything up.
I donno if that makes any sense..
Comment by Yazan — June 28, 2006 #
hilarious post elijah
i had several encounters with wierd cab drivers a long time ago, ranging from discussing quite graphically what he likes to do with his wifey (that was uncomfortable) to another telling me about his long lost love who left him to marry her rich cousin who works in the gulf and how she’s now divorced and he wants to marry her next to his existing wife (who happens to be his cousin) it was like an arabic movie, come to think of it they should make an egyptian movie about cab drivers and their parallel universe
Comment by kareemfromegypt — June 29, 2006 #